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THE MASTURBATION RAG

Once I loved a handkerchief
But I said I loved a girl
And it gave my heart such sweet relief
and I decked it out in pearl
'til the day my love I had to leave
In my mother's laundry bag
And the band they played the Masturbation Rag
And the band they played the Masturbation Rag

Then I said I loved a soccer team:
Young women's varsity
So I broke into their locker room
And I took what I could see
They did not involve campus police
'til I tried to bring it back
And the band they played the Masturbation Rag
And the band they played the Masturbation Rag

As I told the judge, "I know some girls are injured in the sport
So I sprained my arm that morning showing my support
And they're forced to choose which way to shoot from colors of the hem
So I shared their sacrifice to show them I love them"

So, when now I send the troops to die,
and I claim it's for their sake
And I blow my suffering Country like a birthday cake
When I say I love them, that's just my
Allegiance to the flag
And the band they play the Masturbation Rag
And the band they play the Masturbation Rag
And the band they play the Masturbation Rag
And the band they play
the Masturba-
tion Rag

 

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